I was star-gazing on the rooftop. The man on the moon began to descend, he grabbed my hand and took me to Jupiter.Read More
My mother use to say "take time to
Sit and count your blessing, count them one by one and see what God
Has done." She had made her transition from this life to the next,
But those words are ingrained in my
Mind and in my heart.
He will never be you. His eyes will never see through to my soul. His smile will never make me catch my breath.Read More
To turn my lover into poetry I would have to elaborate on the way his bony arms look fragile but are strong enough to hug me tight enough to put the shattered pieces of me back together again.Read More
The doctor bounced into the waiting room after knocking two times on the door. “What is going on?” she said, sitting on a rolling metal stool, balancing her laptop on her lap. “I am having sharp, shooting pains in my right arm”, I tell her. “I lifted my granddaughter over my back wall and that’s when the pain started, so I think I may have pulled a muscle or something. But now I am getting a discolored rash on my arm.”
She put her laptop on the counter behind her and asked me to pull my sleeve down so she could take a look. As soon as she spotted the blistering rash, she said, “Oh, yeah, you have shingles.”
Daughter of a rocket scientist, I always felt my brain was constrained, that it was harder for me to remember, to focus. So I beat a biology degree into my head with index cards and then worked with computers all my life, hoping, always hoping, that I could keep hidden the fraud of me.Read More
Yoga and writing classes and meetings are an attempt to ward off the depression I feel threatening at the edges and margins of each moment. Still, it finds inroads. I wore my pre-pregnancy jeans today and the waistband was too tight on the incision. It felt ok, endurable, until I wore Teddy in the baby carrier and then the whole area felt numb and reminded me so much of the raw aching throb of early Cesarean, the wound where you were taken out of me and how empty I felt and bereft of even a birth story, my vagina unused, circumvented by a scar. I touched your soft face briefly in the OR, and then you were gone for four days. An unendurable separation but I endured it.Read More
Yesterday evening, I bathed myself, trimmed my cuticles and my nails on both hands and feet. I thought of the podiatrist appointments that I need to take my clients to, next week...
When I am old, will I allow myself to pay for someone else to clip my nails, comb my hair, floss and brush my teeth, clean my body, shower me, wipe my ass; see me naked in order to give me personal care of the things that, at 60 years old, I still feel privileged to accomplish on my own?Read More
I watch, I must always watch.
I watch what I buy
I watch what’s in season, what’s fresh and what’s on sale
I watch the amount of time and money I invest in the middle of the store, spending most of my energy on the edge
I watch the latest trends
I may never love the all of myself. Nor do I think I will wholly love any one part of myself. I don’t believe that I have to love myself in order to love others because I do know real love. I guess the part of myself I love is my patience with others, but even that can dissipate quickly. I have wondered when I can give up on self love and have people leave me alone about it. Luckily my partner does not need me to feel any type of way about me or about him as long as we sail along comfortably; for the most part we do. Maybe I should start a movement--YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF TO BE HAPPY!Read More