I'm no angel.
My home state is a polarizing shade of purple. Every election day, I violently and dutifully color in the dot next to the 'D'; with the aspiration that we indigo deeper into the blue. As Virginians and social media users, we all have our own opinions on the nationwide scandal our top three government officials have brought home to roost. I could pen a lengthy essay of my personal take (two out of three should step away). But at this moment, I'm considering my past foibles. And I conclude it's neither fair nor fitting to judge someone on the worst thing they have ever done.
With my nine year old knobby knee, I unintentionally smashed my elder sister's gerbil to death on the eve of her birthday party. Knowing it was a clear violation of house rules, I plucked him from his happy cage to honor him with the title of ''first mate" on my global exploration vessel that was an antique quilt on a bedroom floor.
I've not paid for nail polish since 2002.
My mother has heard me scream "I hate you!" and she believed it .
I don't call my best friend.
In the depths of my desk, you'd find Polaroids of me holding a Confederate flag license plate that yodeled in yellow the word 'redneck'.
One long ago Valentine's Day, I sought to end my life .
I had a steamy affair with a married man whose wife was my drinking buddy and mentor.
I love one of my four cats less than the others.
But I can't recall that damn gerbils name.
And it's usually Wet N Wild I steal. And I change the color of my toes twice annually.
She knows I utterly adore her and we now chuckle about the terrible teens.
That friendship will be the longest and most rewarding relationship of my life. I'll ring her tonight.
Today the stars and bars give me an uneasy pause. I was naive and 'rebel' was a cause I blindly fought for.
This February 14th, I'll eat Filet Mignon with Alex Trebek and not have the slightest impulse to give up. What is ''this too shall pass"?
After rigorous Olympic swimming in the choppy water under that bridge, I am still powerfully in love with and sharing a cottage with the man. And oh, how I wish I could apologize to her face.
She still gets Fancy Feast and kisses and nicknames and check ups.
To neatly summarize this nutshell, I'll let Jenny Lewis lament: "Cuz I've been bad. I've lied, and cheated, and stolen, and been ungrateful for what I've had."
Blackface is abhorrent and morally wrong.
But, I've had many faces that I'd like to black out.
Richmond, VA. I used to fancy myself a writer.
I was off today. This is impulsive.