A Drop in the Ocean

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Right now I am thinking of the ocean. I have always loved it. I grew up at the beach. But I have never, until now, until the terminal cancer, longed for it in such a way that it hurts. The vastness, the blue of it, the saltiness of it, the waves that are such fun to jump.

These gray, rainy days in Richmond tarnish my soul, my joy. They are an affront to my attempts to keep going. I see people at the beach on t.v. It’s so painful not to be them that my eyes water.

My life has been wonderful in many ways, but dark and dirty in others. I picture myself diving into the ocean and becoming clean, cleansed, healed. Free.

I love the feeling of being in deep water where it embodies me wholly, comforting and refreshing. I long for it in such a way that right now, in January, I might risk hypothermia just to have the joy of swimming in the majestic, blue, blue sea.

Richmond, Virginia, USA.