Hashtag Me Too

When I was 16 my mother’s boss had told her that my looks were going to be a hurdle for me with men some day. I needed to be careful when I was released into the world on my own. Still working overtime at pulling out of my lifelong awkward stage, I was confused by what that even meant. I was always the personality, hitting you with intensity from every angle. Too much to some, just enough to others, but mostly a royal pain in my teachers asses.

I’m now 30, and I fully understand what he meant by that. My new super power of a curvy vivacious woman proved to only attract advances from married or otherwise spoken for men. It happened again last night when my phone lit up after appropriate hours. Seeing a familiar name on my messenger I didn’t think twice about the contents before opening. There it was ‘You’re hot, just my opinion.’

My first instinct was that it was the second of two messages, maybe there was more to this and I’m only seeing the end of the conversation. Maybe he was telling a joke or sharing a story. Maybe he wasn’t a married man making a pass at me. I immediately thought it was my fault. I anxiously scrolled through posts I had shared on social media, concerned that I had shown too much of myself at an angle that would imply I was that kind of woman. But it wasn’t there. I didn’t ask for this. None of my photos asked for this.

We met during a motorcycle event where I was left alone without a buddy. He invited me to join his group. He was composed and respectful and actually made me jealous of the woman that got to be around him for life. But I never imagined this. 

He had seemed like such a nice guy. A safe guy. The kind that would do anything for a friend. And he may have been that too. But tonight he was a married man trying to cheat on his wife.

I pretended to not understand his advancements, hoping he’d get the gist. ‘If you ever want to get together and ride some time. Just letting you know you’re a very attractive woman. Simple as that. It’s not weird, just simple.’ 

It made me wonder if he actually believed that last statement to be true.

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