I saw an ad in a yard sale FB group. Someone was selling a large piece of furniture. I don’t know if it was a breakfront or a table or a giant sectional sofa. But like so many things we accumulate, there was this warning: very heavy, you’ll need to bring one or two strong people with you. This is a common caveat in ‘for sale’ ads: works but very heavy. Great condition, very heavy. You’ll need help. You have to pay for it AND it’s really heavy.
I thought about the furniture in my house. In the not too distant future, I plan to move into a smaller house. I won’t need four bedrooms in a couple years, just two. I won’t need 1,900 sf, just maybe 1,000. Seems like the easiest way to get rid of my heavy furniture is just to give it away. If it’s heavy and awkward, people are usually willing to take it if it’s free. I don’t want to take it with me. I don’t want to take most of what I have with me.
We have a lot of heavy things in our lives. Things we own, things we carry around with us. Monkeys on our backs. Really, really heavy monkeys. We allow ourselves to be burdened by things, by feelings, by hurts and betrayals, by people who don’t do us any good, who don’t have our best interests at heart. It’s hard to let go, mainly because these things are so heavy, their roots so deep. You need to hire an excavator to get at the taproot and there’s still a fear they might grow back.
Who will take my heavy things? I don’t have many left. Only the things that serve a purpose. All the other heavy things I let go of, gave away, paid to get rid of. Sometimes you have to do that: pay someone to relieve you of your burdens. But you still have to do the work. You still have to place the ad, answer the calls, wait around and hope they show up. You have to be present when they come to take away that heavy thing. You might even have to help them load it on their truck, suggest they turn it sideways. It might fit better. You have to watch them back up in your driveway so they don’t hit a tree, run over a flower bed. You have to watch them drive off with your heavy thing, your burden. Make sure they don’t suddenly change their minds and bring it back. You have to put up the ‘for sale’ sign. Change your number, no forwarding address. Sometimes you have to do that to get rid of all the heavy things, the things that weigh you down, that settle into the floor and leave marks you can’t even see until their gone. The gouges, the dents, the scrapes. You might have to sand the floors and repaint the walls.
You do what you have to do to rid yourself of those heavy things so you can free yourself, feel light again, unburdened, alive, intact.
I'm trying to start writing again after a hiatus. The easiest/hardest way to do that is to rip the bandaid off and expose the wound in public. Let it air out. It heals faster that way.