The writing prompt is to write of a time when I was very afraid. What shall I choose? When did I start feeling afraid as a child? When did I realize that something was not right, not safe, with my mother? Is a "time when I was very afraid" my whole life? No, because I'm no longer very afraid. Or maybe I am, actually! I have certainly found ways to cope with the fear that started early on! Very afraid.. that word "very" in front of afraid causes me to pause. What qualifies as very afraid? Maybe I should not - whoops! no shoulds! Ok, yes I was very afraid as a child and I don't know exactly when it started and I am just going to claim the "very." Very, I claim you! Very, I admit you, I acknowledge you! Verily, verily, it's of biblical proportions! I was so very afraid that time, that all the time, as soon as I could acknowledge time and fear; as soon as I could express, act upon my agency; I found a way, many ways, to be less afraid; to be less very afraid; there was my Granny. I was safe with her. I did not feel very afraid with her. There was my Pappy. I did not feel very afraid with him.
Where was my father? Where were you, Dad? I didn't feel very afraid with you! but I was not with you, could not reach you, did not have you and now, now, moving from the "when was a time when you were very afraid" and answering "my whole life!" I am now very afraid of writing my book entitled "Dear Dad" about the 7 months I had you between when mom died and you - how could you? - you... died. You left again. You passed over, passed along, passed away (and I'm pissed off!) after such a short time. 7 months. When I was no longer very afraid of mom! when she was (finally!) gone! I was very afraid to talk to you about the big things, the fearful things, the important things, the secret things, the painful things, the mysterious things...