Second Grade Salt

If I were to describe my general outlook on life…it would be the exact moment when a cucumber has completely disintegrated in its sauna of vinegar. I am sure your inquisitive mind must be pondering what is the source of my contrite conclusion. I believe my salty and bitter bulb illuminated at some point during second grade.

As an only child with the amount of friends equivalent to the amount of lunar eclipses, I sought satisfaction through the approval of teachers and decent grades. Of course adding this to my abundance of melanin in my skin, and “hand-me-down” clothing I was in no doubt at the apex of popularity in my class. At this point in time my teacher didn’t adhere to my model citizen persona which not only scramble my psyche, but also put a target on my back with my fellow peers. Let’s call this woman Mrs. R. just for confidentiality reasons. She had an obsession with scented Mr. Sketch markers which could ameliorate any horrendous day. During recess everyone was allowed to either go outside to play or to stay inside and use the art supply cabinet to demonstrate their creative capabilities. Usually at this time I would simply congregate as many science related books I could find and hide under the jungle gym to absorb as much of the text I could handle. Little to my knowledge two of my classmates had the propensity to collect as many of the markers as possible and place them inside of my backpack. Upon the completion of their deed they decided to divulge the location of the markers to Mrs. R.

I was admonished, chastised, rebuked with total abhorrence. I became a pariah to prepubescent piranhas. This became my catalyst for becoming a sarcastic member of society.


Mechanicsville, Va

My favorite book series as a child was A Series Of Unfortunate Events. I graduated from Virginia Tech this year. I am so excited to pay off my loans.

Karl StevensonComment