Here and There

I'm learning how to cry it out in stages
With the corners of the page turned down
the heater turned on high
Shredded tissues line the edges of my comforter
This stings

I mold your wisdom into coffee mugs
And clay pots full of ash
And store them in the laundry room with my stash
Of paint
And obscenities I refuse to lick my lips with. 

They used to let me walk around with anger 
Cupped in my life line like a caterpillar 
Careful not to drop it
While they whispered things like
"that's just her" and 

Perhaps it metamorhasized 
And joined a traveling band
Or flapped its wings and caused a storm in Africa 
Perhaps it sings

I am learning how to cry it out in stages
This grief
Over things I've lost while muttering "good riddance"
Too great a weight to bear at once
I falter at the sight of your indifference
The spotlight is the wrong place for your memory
Happenstance and cheating wives 
Go hand and hand a strolling
So I grab a tissue
fan the flame
And let a little more out just for you....

The buzzer rings
Times up
The laundry needs folding, the dishwasher's full, soccer starts at 3, and I need to call the bank about those charges...

And brushes that I use for making memories
Last on canvas
As if they aren't stealthily imprinted
On the backs of my eyelids