I remember you
talking to the teachers to the principal to anyone
Who would listen to the latest hype in Hollywood
Or a recipe
Or the way your mother drank in isolation
Or how God had paved the way 
for your insolent insistence
On loyalty and fame
And subjective conversation

I remember the way my soul wrapped itself around you
Tangled like a thousand beaded necklaces

I remember you
Never leaving
When the times were tough
And academics tougher
When boyfriends sank right through me 
And my Nanny died
And my decision making capabilities faltered
When I lost it all and more 
and then some 

I remember when you finally untangled
My soul from around your insolent insistence

I remember you leaving
Gathering your loyalty in your folded arms
Fame dripping from your elbows
Talking to the in crowd to managers to anyone
But me....

I remember the way my soul inverted in your absence
And tried like hell to categorize your efforts 
And your recipes
And your Hollywood hype
And the way you pursed your lips when you were nervous

I remember the way that gravel feels 
beneath bare feet bones
And the sound of wind on trestles 
And the smell of asphalt 
And shame.....

It's funny how when I remember you
I forget to breathe....