Letting Go

 I am ready to be free of worrying about him and ready to be free of reacting to other's emotions, expressions of anger, fear and resentments. I am ready to let go of doing too much, ("busy-work") so I can clean out my feelings and true honest emotions that are dusting the surface and threatening to air, like dirty laundry. I hid honesty and truth in eating, binge-shopping, cleaning, and, eventually in drinking. I am ready to let go and allow God to help me, this time, every day I will let myself go into surrender and ask for G.O.D. (Good Orderly Direction), which takes a lot for me to believe will happen. I am ready to let go of people who have always made me uncomfortable and anxious and resentful to the extent that I would injure myself over failing to please them, failing to help them fix their overwhelming lives. I am ready to let go of trying to worry too much over what other people are doing, (and really ready to ask God and myself why I am concentrating on them rather than what I am doing?) I am ready to let go of giving unsolicited advice and let go of proselytizing and pious lecturing. I am ready to let go of my arrogance and judging on first impressions or prejudices over fear of change and differences. I am willing to face my fears and ask for help, then let go and have faith that I will get to the bottom, the core of what has motivated me to react, balk, pull up the shields and defenses when challenged and confronted. I am ready to let go of self-pity and the martyrdom of working more than others. I am willing to let go and let other people take the slack, when I am needing to cease and desist. I am ready to let go of chattering just to fill up voids and discomfortable insecurity. I am willing to let go of what I was going to say and actively listen and hear what I need to hear. I am willing to let go of telling falsehoods and let go of the mask that I am "good", "okay", and tell the truth about how I am really feeling, to others, but most importantly, to myself, first.