Parenting 101

Right now I am so relieved to have gotten S's doctor appointment over with and that it went so well. I feel a sense of power, a small one, even though I probably should feel it in a much larger sense. I dreaded this. I have been dreading it since realizing that she is transgender in the way that she is not gender fluid but fully feels "she." And that road means physical transition if she continues to feel that way. So far she is still on this path at age 10. Puberty is right around the corner and that is where all the medicalization of her life begins.

Hormone Blockers. I will write that again because I often blank out with the medical info. Hormone Blockers. Yes, it does seem young. But if she does not do them at Tanner Stage 2 (whoa! medical terminology!), she will miss the window for blocking unwanted bone structure change, especially in face, shoulders, hips; unwanted facial hair, chest hair. Her jaw size and vocal box will change. She loves to sing, her voice is beautiful and strong, so she is really concerned about this. 

She wants to get this right, just like I do. She said she felt better knowing all the stuff we talked about with the pediatric endocrinologist today, and I feel better too. I had to write a lot before we went to the appointment in order to get my defensiveness out, anger, frizzlyness, and try to make a plan for how to make it about her and not about my crazy thoughts, fears, about insurance and gender markers, and whether or not they would use the right pronoun as they could not seem to get it right on the phone and I finally needed to speak to them very directly and tell them how amazing our pediatrician's office is that they never ever have gotten it incorrect. And...aagh! Oh my Gawd! All the years of education people comes tumbling down at once, the rubble crushing me. I must stand up, brush myself off and take this experience separately instead of piling it on the mountain of crap just behind us.



Juley Amica is a writer and a parent. She uses this name to protect the innocent. It allows her a voice for her family's gender journey experience, lends support to others on this path, and gives all parents a chance to be allies to families like hers' who have a deep need for safe, knowledgeable and caring community. Her hope and desire is that this will open up more space for the human right of all children, all people to live authentically and to be loved and respected for who they are. She is currently creating a blog.