Naturally Callous

I was always good at the things I liked. Martial arts? Check. Swimming? Yep. Gymnastics? You bet. Anything I liked, I was damn good at (and that’s coming from a pessimist, the only one in my family I might add). You’d think one’s parents would take some sort of satisfaction, and mine did. At least, most of the time. Mom was supportive and yet, always tired. She and dad split when I was little even though it didn’t mean much, as the two of them being in the same room due to my extracurricular activities forced an unsaid armistice.

Dad was always… Difficult. Never would say, “Good job”. No pat on the back or at least, not to my face. He’d always go “Look at that kid!” behind my back. I never did know what was with him being so reserved when it came to interpersonal interaction. I never understood as to why he didn’t include all of my accomplishments either, especially the ones where he was on the losing side of my win streaks. Sounds like a classic dad, right?


Remember how I said I was a natural at everything that I liked? Well, when it came time to play against dad in a video game and inevitably win, it would then lead to me being picked up over his head and thrown on the hard ass laminate flooring. Don’t worry, these were casual occurrences for my eight year old self as the days when he was felling extra spicy was when I would get thrown into my room and told that my Resident Evil toys (among many other child inappropriate things that I was exposed to and had to live by) would come to life at night and kill me.

For whatever reason, this stopped. I don’t remember when it did, kind of like how one doesn’t really remember when a cousin stopped coming to Christmas dinner. Maybe it was because I stopped playing fighting games for fear of getting hit, or because I grew out of the fear or more likely, was desensitized to it. Regardless, one thing is certain and it’s that I outgrew him and have the callousness that allows one not to care. Thanks dad. Turns out desensitization can be useful.


Saint Peters M.O. United States

 ...Let's not talk about that more than we already have.