I'll Be Just Fine

“It’s not like you’re ugly,” she says. “I don’t understand.” I’m in my mid-thirties and unmarried. It is source of contention between my mother and me. 

I will admit that I at one time I had a wedding binder where I kept magazine cutouts of dresses, flower arrangements and so forth. I imagined my groom as 90s Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt.  My groom and I would dance to Always and Forever by Heatwave and we’d live forever in a colonial with a bright painted yellow door. I threw that binder out nearly 20 years ago. 

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Take Time For You

One day I got really irritable with myself because I spent the majority on a forum based roleplay rather than get any "actual" writing done. I told myself I had wasted the day doing nothing.

But as I got to thinking about it, I thought how much time do we waste going places we don't really want to or working jobs we really don't enjoy? How much time do we spend in a crowded room when we feel alone? How much time do I need to spend doing things to actually be productive?

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Hazel River

Right now I am alone, in this Hazel River home, sitting in front of a fire, the one I have been feeding with twigs and old limbs I have scoured from the woods outside the door. I have thought of this, my alone time, to write and feel the quiet, and think outloud, I could do this, do this alone, rent a spot so beautiful as this, and feel the reverance of nature’s church for a few days. I could do this.

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That long

In ten minutes, wow. At 4am on February 5th, exactly one month away from my estranged wifes birthday. Cant say I feel much different than a few years ago. Being by myself, and traveling through a life shift every two years seems to be a spiritual cycle for me. From Queens NY, to North Carolina, To Maryland, back to New York, to Australia, Back to New York.

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