We are sitting around watching MSNBC this morning when my husband says, “Those kids sitting around that table, yesterday; that was just magical!”
Read MoreToday was beautiful, sunny and warm. I decided it was a great day
To get my car washed. I drove over
To the Flag Stop car wars and couldn't believe the number of cars
Lined up to be washed. I decided
There was nothing pressing on my
Agenda, so I sat back and waited for
My turn.
In ten minutes, wow. At 4am on February 5th, exactly one month away from my estranged wifes birthday. Cant say I feel much different than a few years ago. Being by myself, and traveling through a life shift every two years seems to be a spiritual cycle for me. From Queens NY, to North Carolina, To Maryland, back to New York, to Australia, Back to New York.
Read MoreTHINGS I KNOW are things I’ve been told or things I pieced together and repeated out loud enough times that I can no longer discern fact from imagination.
My parents met and married in Hawaii. She wore a baby yellow shift dress, though, I didn’t see it until three decades later so maybe it was just yellowed. Did the sleeves bell? Did the hem curve?
I’ve been through more break ups than I can count. My first break up happened before my first kiss. I left Jesus one Sunday morning, as his blood and body lay in front of me, an offering I denied in tears of guilt.
Read MoreI dreamed of you my whole life. Every baby I ever held carried the thought of you. Every girlhood game, every dreamy drive alone. For years I have mapped your father’s face onto mine. You probably had his peaked, cow-licked hairline, and my nostrils visible in profile. Did the fingers you were building bend as far back as his? I will never, ever know.
There’s a picnic table in my sunroom, an old pine table notched together with wooden pegs, and two benches worn from over sixty years of sitting, first in my childhood kitchen, then more recently here, in my own house, all these years later, where I take my breakfast, to sit and munch and gaze at the out of doors, the backyard, and all its animal busyness that comes with early mornings.
Read MoreWe always had the cherry fold-down desk. A writing desk, with all of my father's secrets in it. When we were children, we were sure there was a gun in that third locked drawer. We could try and look into that drawer, but there were so many papers and folders and bits of slide presentations that we could hardly get that second drawer open to look inside. Mostly we didn't dare to.
For someone who’s supposed to be good with words, I use a lot of emojis, or emoji if you’re the kind of person who says “stadia” instead of “stadiums.” There are two in particular that I use every day, all day long.
Read MoreShe sends pictures of him posed in doorways,
red pants and full lips and
the scarves that men wear in far off places.