Back in the Kayak
In the midst of a busy year and the aftermath of a move, my Mother-in-Law gifted us with the luxury of vacation…a week in a beautiful rental home on Lake Gaston straddling the line between North Carolina and Virginia. Given the choice, I probably would've stayed home and continued to set up our new house with all the grace of a rabid dog. Luckily, however, we’d committed to vacation before I lost my mind.
At home you can't really give yourself the luxury of three hour naps, reading back to back paperbacks, and eating cupcakes for breakfast. But at the lake you basically have to. You have to relax and relax HARD. There’s technically nowhere else to go and nothing else to do.
At some point this week (I’ve lost all concept of actual time) I went by myself in a kayak for the first time in my life. I felt adventurous, strong, and brave EVEN THOUGH I did eventually fall out, bang my arm into the ladder and get a bruise the size of Sunday. The sun illuminated my gorgeous skin and my hair blew in the wind like a movie star. I was a precocious yet attractive adventurer setting out to explore new lands.
And thennmy sister-in-law showed me pictures she’d taken as I’d set out. Who is THAT? I yelled. I look like a housewife from the Bronx! I look like a clown school drop out! A washed up whale in a kayak! The torture went on until I told myself TO GET BACK IN THE KAYAK. The inside of the moment was beautiful and empowering. Looking at the moment from the outside ruined it completely.
Ever since, as I've started to think about things I need to do, work to come, places to be, I've told myself to get back in the kayak. Back in my body ,back in the moment. There will be plenty of time to crash into ladders, to sink or to swim later on. For now just enjoy the ride.