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I’m happy we’re moving because moving will make me a new and improved person. Moving will change everything. I know they say wherever you go, there you are, it's an inside job, you take your problems with you blah blah blah but that is THEM.

* I * will be different.

In my new house I will clean and exercise and be productive. I will watch those DY! home improvement shows and learn how to properly use a drill and line shelves and replace vacuum filters. I will cook nutritious meals and learn to garden. Hell, I'll probably start growing all of our own food. Farm to table! I'll become organic and vegan. I will host large dinner parties that entertain friends, family and the disenfranchised. I will fold laundry instead of throwing it at the dresser. I will learn to sew curtains. We will chop wood for the fireplace and start composting again and I will have an organized budget we will stick to while both cutting coupons and living our biggest lives.

We will not collect clutter. We will sage and Feng Shui and Marie Kondo the shit out of everything until the joy rains down upon us. I will return all of my library books on time. I will pay all my bills and support every cause I believe in and take plenty of time for self care and total enlightenment.

Everyone who walks through the door will be blessed. Our house will be a blessing to animals and friends and strangers and Amazon delivery truck drivers. I will read more and watch TV less and meditate instead of Facebook and dance in the kitchen until my abs are perfectly toned and my skin is flawless and racism has ended and world peace has been achieved the dog has learned to poop in one tidy corner of the yard. Life will be so perfect I will never have to move again.

Valley HaggardComment