Big Beautiful Life
Several years ago I stood in my living room and screamed at the top of my lungs: I’M GOING TO HAVE A BIG BEAUTIFUL LIFE WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT. As a co-dependent people pleaser who couldn't be happy if you weren't happy, who made you unhappy if I was unhappy, who didn't really know what happiness was or if I even wanted it at all, this was a real turning point for me.
As soon as I stopped trying to drop kick my my husband into the Land of Happiness I was able to check it out for myself. I used to long and pine and beg my husband to seek help and go on meds. The truth is I honestly thought that if he got on meds, I would feel better. And then I was interrogated by some very wise and direct people who had the nerve to ask if I was happy. Was I on meds?? How were they working for me? Had I found the answer? Had I found joy?? When I finally decided to accept psychiatric help I began to create the big beautiful life I’d been yelling at him about.
As I add more and more modalities into my own personal plan for happiness and healing, my theme is expansion. My heart and spirit are expanding. My classes and retreats and press and literary community are expanding. Even my hips are expanding! We are putting our house on the market and expanding out of my childhood home. I don’t have to drag my husband anywhere. I have to learn to walk by myself.