What It Was Like
This week I celebrated 20 years of sobriety which prompted me to think a lot about what it was like before I quit drinking. At it's most basic my life can be divided into years of taking destructive risk, BS (Before Sobriety) and years of taking creative risks, AS (After Sobriety).
These were some of my destructive risks: Doing heroin, hash, and Mad Dog 20 20. Smoking, drinking, sneaking out, lying. Falling in love with misogynists and womanizers, married men, old men, sado-masochists, men on trains. Running out of bars, fake ID’s, underage drinking, obsession, cheating.
Here are some of my creative risks: Posing nude for a painting, starting a blog, starting a business. Getting married. Staying married. Writing about mediation, prayer, God. Taking a dance class. Dancing. Learning how to love my body. Cleaning my house. Teaching. Releasing all the lives I didn’t choose on the other side of that gauzy veil, choosing this life instead. Learning how to say more, please and thank you.
I still have plenty of addictions, I still make countless mistakes. But now I have a chance. When I fall on my face I get up and get up and get up again.