How to Know If You Are Walking Through the Fire


1. In January you get a tarot card reading from an esteemed professor who, after looking at your cards, tells you that this is the year to you uproot the stump of the tree that you've been hacking at your entire life and that THIS IS YOUR SHADOW YEAR. 

2. You tell your oldest friend what's going on with you and she says, "Oh honey. You are not only walking through the fire, you are cutting your own kindling and lighting your own match."

3. You go on a walk with your pastor friend, explain everything, and she lovingly but sternly says, "It's YOU, my dear, who are the asshole."

4. Your husband tells you your love language is fighting.

5. Your therapist tells you to go back to the age of two to relearn the concept of delayed gratification.

6. Your new sponsor gives you a stuffed grumpy cat holding a black heart that says NO.

7. You take a dream workshop to learn how to decode messages from your subconscious and suddenly you have to look at your dreams about snakes and worms and birthing babies right in the face.

8. You are stripping away another addiction, an addiction you associate with love and sweetness and all that is good and comforting and right with the world. You are stripping away sugar. You are learning to sit in your own discomfort, to sit with your own pain. How not to numb, stuff, buffer or pad yourself from that raw place between your feelings and the world. 

9. You are getting rid of bad stuff, but even getting rid of bad stuff feels bad. 

10. You look back and see, as if it were a drawing or a map, lines reforming between yourself  and everyone you know and each tightened or severed thread comes with pain before the release.

11. You are redefining God. You are redefining womanhood. You are redefining your self in your family and in the world. You don't have your answers yet, but that doesn't stop you from crawling, climbing, carrying yourself, being carried, led and dragged to your place in and through and out of the fire. 

Valley Haggard1 Comment