Letting Go

I tried to let go with your diagnosis of ADHD and no impulse control
I let go a little each time you lied to me over and over 
I let go some more when you moved out and I knew in my heart it would not be in your best interest
I let go even more when you went through substance abuse treatment and I begged you to tell me what was hurting you so much
I had no choice but to let go when you said you would use substances no matter what I did or said
I had to be dragged to let go the day we went to your arraignment for several felony charges of violent crimes
I am trying to let go even more in the real chance you go to prison
I am trying to let go of all the guilt, shame and regret I feel over this loss of so much potential
It is impossible to let go of the sadness and shame I feel for my son’s victim and family
I will never be able to let go of the feeling I failed you in so many ways, we all failed you
I will never be able to let go of the dreams and hopes I had for you, still have for you
I will never be able to let go of the sweet, funny little boy I knew you to be, still know you to be
I will never be able to let go of all the brokenness that we all feel and I seem to be the cause
I will never be able to reconcile the person charged of these violent crimes and the person I love
I will never be able to understand how I can go on if you are locked away
Some things I can Never let go of.

Richmond, VA.