refrigerator blindness

ME: I’m hungry - is there anything to eat in the fridge?
HIM: I don't know - you want me to look?
ME: Uh huh.
SILENCE
HIM: Hey, can you come here and look at this?
ME: Look at what?
HIM: There was some lettuce in here, but I can’t find it now.
ME: Did you eat it?
HIM: By itself? Ewww, no.
ME: Then maybe it got eaten?
HIM: Who would eat plain lettuce?
ME: Lots of people eat lettuce.
HIM: You think they’d go for the chocolate milk first.
ME: We have chocolate milk?
HIM: No.
ME: Oh. I was wondering.
HIM: I think the lettuce has changed.
ME: Changed?
HIM: Yeah, it got smaller.
ME: Smaller? What do you mean?
HIM: It’s taking up less space in the drawer now.
ME: Less space?
HIM: Yeah, come look.
PAUSE
ME: OK, what do we have in here?
HIM: There's some corn.
ME: Eww, this isn’t good anymore; bring me the trash can, please?
HIM: What about these onions?
ME: WTF? GROSS! They’re dripping! Get the trash!
HIM: These apples are wrinkled; do you think they’re still good?
ME: Those are CANNOT be apples.
HIM: Yes, they are.
ME: Never mind. Get me a pair of gloves? Third drawer in the bathroom.
HIM: For what?
ME: I’m not touching this stuff with my bare hands.
HIM: Here! Carrots!
ME: That looks like a bag of hair.
HIM: It's a few roots, they just get scraped off, right? 
ME: You're kidding, right?
HIM: Did you find the lettuce?
ME: No, just this bag of…gross.
HIM: What – it shrunk, didn’t it?
ME: No, it liquefied.
HIM: Didn’t I tell you it changed? Should we throw it out?
ME: We?
HIM: Well, you’re holding it.
ME: Was this just a ploy to get me to clean the fridge?
HIM: I’m glad we’re married.
ME: I’ll bet you are.

Norman, OK, USA. Krishanna writes and creates at krishanna.rocks.