Once Again with Feeling

I can say I’m sorry
but I won’t mean it.

You’ll hear
my inauthenticity
my buts
my own recollection
and you won’t like it.

You can beat me with the iron club of
your misinterpretation
your misconception
your mishearing
and I can say I’m sorry -
but you won’t believe it.

I can say I’m sorry
but is there any point?

I can say I’m sorry
until the false confession is all that matters
and I am convicted.
You are the judge and jury,
the one who knows.
You forget with crystal clarity. 

I can say I’m sorry
twenty times
twenty times twenty
and prostrate myself on the altar of
your self-hatred
your self-denial
your self-doubt
and you still won’t hear it.

I can say I’m sorry
but remember
I don’t mean it.

 

Palo Alto, CA

Michelle is a British ex-pat, mom to two girls, two dogs and two horses, with a vigorous interest in feminism, history and crochet.