I came to the beach to reconnect. Reconnect with myself, my true self, and with God. Three days of solitude and silence. I brought my tools for re-connection yoga, 12steps, meditation and creativity. I brought way too much to “do”. The weather was cooperative for introspection, grey, rainy and chilly. This was perfect weather for what Yogis call Svadhyaya or self-study. The first 48 hours I stayed in the house overlooking the sound. Yoga and meditation practice 3 times a day, coloring, writing, crocheting, and learning to sew filled some of the space in my day. There was also time to just watch the water and the rain. To observe pellets of rain dive into the sound as if on a mission to find treasure at the bottom.
After 48 hours I heard a call to go to the beach. It was still raining and I thought “well that’s crazy," but the call came again. That steady quiet voice that attaches to my soul and pulls me in directions I would never willingly go. I know that call and it has never failed me. I dressed as warmly and weatherproof as I could and then drove to the beach. No cars were at the public access parking lot. I got out of the car feeling the fine piercing drops of rain on my face and made my way to the beach stairs. As I climbed I continued to think “this is crazy," but I allowed that voice to coax me further. As I reached the top of the stairs the rain lessened and the ocean came into view. It was churning and angry, crashing and pounding into the shore. I stood there in awe of its power, reminded that there are powers much greater than I. I considered heading back to the car but the voice called me to the beach. I had wanted to get a shell anyway, so I decided to go. I stepped on the beach and looked around. There was not another human anywhere in sight. This eerie experience of being alone in the presence of such a powerful force of nature at first frightened me. I then looked closely and saw the seagulls and sandpipers perched on the sand. Overhead were geese flying in formation. I was not alone, I was in good company. As I stood and watched the waves crash, I noticed the beautiful patterns the foam made as it scurried back into the ocean. Only the pounding of the waves could make such a beautiful pattern. Sometimes what seems violent or harsh is really just a form of art, I thought to myself. At that moment I felt completely connected to each rain drop, each wave, each grain of sand and all the other souls in proximity witnessing the Divine’s handiwork on the beach.
I let go of any pretense I had and stood crying in the rain, the pounding of the waves vibrating all the impurities out of the crevices of my being. Resentments, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, all washed into the ocean by the rain to be purified and re-purposed in to something beautiful and meaningful. Suddenly a seagull flew by and landed nearby. I had a sense of peace and serenity come over me. I knew it was time to leave. The gull flew off and left a single white feather behind. A feather, a symbol of spiritual evolution. I took a picture with my phone not wanting to disturb the beauty of the feather or the moment. I then journeyed back to the car, wet but freer, lighter and more connected than I ever thought possible.