Am I a Person?

I am a person. I am a human being. I am not a politician. I don’t know everything and I don’t need to. Why do people expect so much out of me? I expect nothing out of myself. I hate myself. I said I don’t know everything, but really? I don’t know anything. I am stupid and proud of it. I am forced every day to wax political just to prove that I, as a transgender person, should be allowed to live. I once read of a family who was run out of town because they had a transgender child and people were trying to kill them because of it. I feel like this is where I’m headed. It hurts to leave the house. It hurts to leave my bed. I laugh at myself when I look in the mirror. It is a cruel laugh. A hateful laugh. I look at myself and I see the butt of a joke, nothing more. But really, I am a person. That is all I claim to be. I only want to be seen as a human being. Not as a joke or a stereotype. But that is much harder than it seems in my case. I sometimes wonder if I even am a person, really. I feel so separated from everyone else. I know I am different. It hurts to be different. When I see these kids spewing slurs at me at school I wonder what it must feel like to have this much power. I have no power. I am a sad little child. A pathetic child. Never will I feel that feeling of being on top of the world and not caring about what anyone thinks. I constantly have to watch what I’m doing to make sure I don’t look like a stereotype. I can’t do what I want the way the other kids do. Not if I want to be a person.

 

Oakland Township, MI