I Don't Remember

I don't remember my only white Christmas
I don't remember coming home to smiling faces and open arms, maybe because my parents work late or maybe because of something else
I don't remember where that F in English came from, I swear
I don't remember where the cuts came from but I'm guessing 3am and unkind words
I don't remember the first song I ever wrote but it's out there somewhere
I don't remember what hugs and soft cheek kisses feel like. Do they feel nice? I hope to know someday
I don't remember the first sleepless night or his angry face when he lashed out at me. Why can't I remember?
I don't remember the first night in any of my new homes nor the first day in any of my new schools
I don't really remember when that house stopped feeling like a home
I don't remember my dreams anymore
I wish I didn't remember the pain
I think that's all I remember
The pain, tears, confusion, faded happiness and disappointment splashed on the pages and carved into my memories

 

Richmond, VA

A 13 year old from Richmond, Virginia.