She's Not a Dancer

She's not a dancer. Never has been one. In high school her friends tried to teach her how to dance in an empty 7-11 parking lot on a warm summer night. The top down in Erikas convertible and Erasure blasting on the radio. She's too self conscious to truly let go. Too uncomfortable in her own skin. 

In her 20's she was at her friends wedding looking literally the "best she could" in the "right sized" dress that she could feel proud of, had all her hair still and a boyfriend. She still couldn't just let go and dance with everyone, stands and sits in the side lines watching. Just watching and yearning to let go, be free and move easily with no self doubt or care of others judging her. 

In her late 30's she was at her high school friends daughters bat mitzvah. Her new wife was with her. She was so anxious of all her old friends judging her, her old boyfriend was there, married to her old friend. She's now divorced, gay, and heavier. But all anyone thought was DAMN Cor can dance! She was literally on the dance floor all night-free, care free, laughing, singing, right in the middle of the HORA! As SHE still sits in the sidelines secretly wishing she could freaking let go, dance and have fun. 

Now in her 40s, 4 days away from her daughters bat mitzvah, she feels pressure from her mom to make sure she dances and has a good time because she and the family will be the ones people are looking to, to have fun at the mitzvah. She is secretly scared to death now of the only type of dancing she actually could do, which is a slow dance. What if they play a slow song and her loving wife will want to dance with her? She is horrified her 13 yr. old daughter will be embarrassed in front of her friends. That's the last thing she would want. So does she hurt her wife's feelings by not, or embarrass her daughter? Her daughter who truly loves her wife now 4 years later. But a slow dance at her mitzvah just might be way to much for her. What will she do? She's up at night worried. This is one of 100 worries. After Saturday i wonder what she will worry about next, because there always seems to be something. No carefree time for her.

 

United States