For the Ugly Girls
I'm writing this under a pseudonym because I'd take a rash of shit for months and months and months and waste tremendous mental and emotional energy fighting unfightable points with people I love and, for the most part, respect. Here's the thing: #NOTME
I've always been fat, not sexy enough for my looks to be valued currency. My face is pretty. Pretty enough. Thank God, right? Because flat-out ugly is a label no-one wants in this cultural environment. I've never been worried about being pressured at work because of my looks. Does that make me lucky? Or really ugly? Or just outlandishly fortunate to never have once run into someone who let my gender/sexuality get in the way of my "real self?" I don't know, truly.
This is the part that would get me crucified if I were writing under my real name: there are plenty of you pretty girls out there who have been cashing in on your appearances and sexuality for years. Admit it: it's nice to be pretty, to have people (men AND women) treat you specially because of your blonde hair and long legs. And you use it. Sometimes because you have to. And because that's how things are done in our culture. And because it feels nice.
Does any of this shit justify sexual abuse, rape, predatory behavior? NO! No. Of course fucking NO. But hear me out...
There's a part of me that wants to slap the shit out of all the #metoo story tellers, the seemingly endless tales of "Oh, it's so hard to have men staring at my body all the time! I feel so ashamed!" Ok, girls. I get it. But how about when you're invisible? That's another flavor of shame altogether. And it's not just the men who contribute to the beauty paradigm. Men and women have been playing this fucked up game of sexuality-as-currency for a long time. And both men and women have profited by learning and playing by these fucked up rules.
Let me say again: NO EXCUSE for SEXUAL ABUSE, RAPE, VIOLENCE, or anything like that. NO.
There's more to all this shit than #metoo
That's all I'm saying.