AM Meditation

This morning I woke and felt Tamas (depressed) but kept saying to myself as I lay in bed, “what is the most compassionate thing I could do for myself” over and over which was kind of like a Pratipaksha Bhavana practice because that was the opposite of what my darkness was telling me. By doing that, like a mantra, I eventually released my firm grip on myself and allowed myself to let go a bit of all my responsibilities which were overwhelming me. I was also stuck in a state of indecision because there were so many things to do; where to start? I just get overwhelmed and froze up, feeling helpless and inadequate. But this “what is the most compassionate thing I could do for myself” mantra really helped me move through that thick tar pit I was in. I got out of bed and turned on some music and cleaned my dishes and took out the trash. Again just those 2 things took a weight off me (Saucha). Then during meditation, I used the words “so- hum” for my non 3 part breath/nadi suddhi portion of meditation which was easier for me that “om shanti” bc the sounds come out so naturally, rhyming with my breath and they have less expectation of results for me, which helps me feel less “attached” and free. So I think I will switch to using “so-hum” now. I also read (I think) about how that sound is like the sound of the earth turning on its axis which made me feel a sense of oneness with everything. When the ending bells rang, I couldn’t open my eyes and I realized I was “blissed out” :) so I stayed in meditation. I don’t know if I was in samadhi or not but it felt good. Actually I felt tears welling up in my eyes from a release of tension that I always hold in my body- there was no thought attached to the tears, just a sense of relief, which made me tear up even more because I have this tension always in my body that is associated with my mind I know, and it is painful. So the relief was precious. That’s never happened to me before. It's interesting to experience how this regular practice of meditation evolves over time… I am so grateful for this Integral Yoga Teacher Training because I’m fairly certain I never would have disciplined myself to do this without the structure of this program. Thank you Vimala <3

 

Richmond, VA