Pregnancy doesn’t always come easy.
25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.
When you ask someone when they are having another child think about what they might be going through. Unless you KNOW what they are going through, you don’t know.
Maybe she’s too old; her hormones too high or too low. Maybe she has early onset menopause.
His sperm count could be low, or maybe they just don’t move so fast.
Maybe her eggs are “low quality," or she has “diminished ovarian reserve.” Or, as one nurse told me, “crunchy eggs.”
Maybe her uterus is tilted or she has PCOS or endometriosis.
She might have spent the last 12 months, or 12 years, tracking her temperature, her mood, her cervical mucus. She’s probably timed sex, scheduled sex, hoped for quick sex today and tomorrow, skip the next day, and then have sex the day after that.
They might have been to doctors who tested them with scans and blood work and sperm samples and found something wrong. Or nothing wrong.
She may have taken Clomid or Femara or Letrizole to increase egg production only to increase their concern about having twins or triplets. Maybe it worked. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe they tried again.
25% of pregnancies end in miscarriages.
Maybe they spent $2,000 and tried IUI. Maybe another $2,000. And another $2,000 hoping this will work because, do they really have $20,000 for IVF. What is IVF anyway?
Maybe they tried IVF.
Maybe they went to weekly and sometimes daily doctor’s appointments for ultrasounds and blood-work. Only to find out her estrogen was too high this month, or her progesterone was too low. Maybe she waited anxiously for the phone call to start taking the three daily intravenous injections just to cry in fear about the thought of three daily intravenous injections. Then after 12 days of injections and seeing the doctor daily for blood-work and ultrasounds to find out she only has a few follicles producing eggs. That if she’s lucky she’ll get 7-8 eggs. Then to find out she only got five. And that only four matured. That only three fertilized. That only one grew. That the one. . . the one good egg was so chromosomally “chaotic” that it couldn’t be used.
And maybe they discussed another IVF cycle. Maybe they looked at donor eggs. Maybe another $20,000 wasn’t too much. Maybe they could go overseas.
Maybe they should just stop.
Maybe when you see that couple with just one child instead of asking when they are having another simply say, “What a beautiful family. You must be so proud.”
I'm an educator, knitter, sewer, gardener, reader, cook; mom to a precious two and a half year old ... and hopefully to another one - one day.