11 Minutes

Tonight my mom told me she doesn't like the nights. That they're long and dark and she hopes they go by fast. All I could think is I love the night. The darkness that allows things to hide without hiding. The time where creativity meets survival. Where people are out on purpose, usually instead of because of some idea of what being a responsible person or adult is. I am the night. Even when I wake up, work all day, when I open my eyes it's not to the light. Ironically someone told me today that I am a light to this world. I am the known of, but never the known. A shade without sun. I don't hide so much as I am already hidden in front of everyone's eyes. Guided by some form of compulsion to exist and not exist. To thrive off deprivation, anger, to be fulfilled by the emptiness I know so well. I don't want to escape. I don't want at all. Nothing excites me, nothing disappoints. Nothing any longer is, so much that nothing also is not. This is not a depression. This is what allows me to do what I do everyday, alone even when I am with. I die as soon as I am born. And In the process of making a living inspire so many.....or so I'm told. The only thing I'm afraid of is being like you. Whoever you people are. Satisfied. Hungry. Impatient. Tired. "Happy" Content. Scheduled and structured as much as the very vessel your spirit is held captive in. I don't know because I don't care. I simply am. Pointed at I am a target, when pointed I am aim. Yet still even when I find myself present, I wonder if i am missed, or if it is myself I am missing. I have become all that I have been, and because of that I am able to do even more. To be more. Abundance is having everything by having nothing, yet it's at times like this I find myself possessed.

 

Richmond, VA