In the words of My Drunk Kitchen. “Butter Yo’ Shit.”
For the past several days I had something to write but didn’t know where and when to put it down- or to whom for that matter. So here it is and it is to you, my dear friends who have children. I need you to take this with a gigantic grain of salt. I’ll wait for you to go to the kitchen to get it. (waiting) Caveat, I don’t have kids. Take nothing I say as gospel.
I see you, dear ones. I see you sweating it about your kids. I see you worry about being good parents and about college and school and giving your children whatever you think it is they need. It’s painful. Here is what your children need: Butter Yo’ Shit. Take care of you. I mean it. No, don’t argue with me about this. Take care of YOU, right now. Do you need to stop drinking and go to rehab? DO IT! Do it right fucking now. Take little Susie’s college fund and go get sober. Susie has her entire life to pay off her college loans. She does not have her entire life to re-create a childhood attachment with you. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go take care of your shit. Do you need a new job? Go get it. Is your marriage miserable? End it. End it right fucking now. Stop doing things that keep you miserable, addicted and in pain because you think your kids are benefiting. They aren’t. I promise you.
Trust me on this one. I am 45 years old and just felt the rusty chain of heartbreak wind its way through my heart as I told my mother, age 75 for the millionth time to please please please go to therapy. My father is dying of stage 4 cancer- too ill from chemotherapy to eat lunch but damn it to hell he had 2 martinis at my last visit. They sent me to college and ballet classes and took me on vacations. What they did not do was take care of themselves. That has been left up to the last minute and placed in the hands of their children. It’s painful, awful frightening and I would give back every damn penny, every minute of vacation for this time to be with adults who had their shit together, sober.
So please don’t sweat your parenting so much. Give your children a gift of your true self. Take care of you and the rest will, believe me, fall right into place.