Some Readjustments in Thinking

I used to mark my period every month on the calendar, now I write when the gas man has been here.
I used to curse my unruly, curly hair wishing it was more smooth and sensible, but now it seems to suit my mood.
I used to think being sensitive would leave me open to pain, but now, I think it just leaves me open.
I used to think silence was a place filled with fear, but now it never fails to fill me
I used to feel powerless in front of the powerful, but now, I know they are also naked and alone.

I used to think I would run out of ways to express the chaos in my head, but now, images and words fight for space, like a riotous crowd.
I used to think I would never have children, but now, the power and the glory of birth remains the jewel in my crown.
I used to think that my life would always be sad, as people often told me I looked, but now I understand that happiness isn’t measured by the disposition of your mouth.

I used to think my family life as a child lacked a certain joy, but now, the definitions (of family, life and joy) have changed.
I used to think my mother was distant and unfeeling, but now when I remember that her first child died, I realize she must have worked hard to stem the tide.
I used to think I was nothing like her, my mother, but when I look in the mirror now, she keeps reappearing.

I used to pretend I could put you out of my mind like a forgotten song, but now I see that you live there with impunity.
I used to wish for days and weeks and months on end with you, but now I wish I could see you once again across the room or relive that one moment at the airport.

 

San Miguel de Allende, Guanajuato, Mexico