Life seems less complicated. It is taking its pace though I stop sometimes to realize what has been lost. A dire part of my body has eluded. Yes I am physically fine and externally okay. But the heart is in its not so wanted drama mode. I look at myself every morning and plan nothing to do with my day. It’s like every single day is going wasted. Unwanted hassles to work, unwillingness to participate in anything productive. May be that’s one of the side effects of having your heart broken by someone who always promised that things will be okay. Apparently, they just don’t “OKAY!" I was slowly trying to find a path to follow. Now, even that seems like a impossibility. I know I sound dejected but really I am not. I am just unsure of many things prior to this moment.
I am reading a book, trying to find inspirations. Move on with whatever is left of me. Surely, I have friends who try to cheer me up. And it would be a lie if I said it didn’t work. My mind wanders to happy times. Though when I think of the time now, it’s not blissful but has its perk. I always wanted to be free from restrictions and he was the only person who never kept me in one. He taught me to live. My life would have been a series of disappointments in his absence. And I am grateful to him for that. Now, I walk alone or perhaps I am choosing to. All my life I have dreamed of an independent life. May be this is God’s way of telling me it’s time to live that dream. I decide to pursue post graduate degree abroad. The road to it will certainly not be easy. Still, want to give it a try. If the heavenly stars in my horoscope are in a jolly mood, I might just succeed. For all I have learned from him is to live like there’s no tomorrow and love with all your heart. Though I am uncertain about being able to love anyone now. I want to move on with my life as he is moving on with his. Seriously, it’s like his life was stuck up because of me. Now, he’s taking his chances and making his decisions focusing on his career. It’s fine. He has given up his priorities for me till now. It’s high time he focuses on his own possibilities.
Life has never been so reckless. Still I pray for courage to head on in a journey worth remembering.