This isn't my first rodeo. I've been married before, to my college sweetheart, for four years. After him deciding that he just couldn't, wouldn't, didn't want to have sex with just me for the rest of his life, we split. It was tough, but it would have been more tough to stay with him. My entire life I had been an independent, "don't fuck with me" kind of person, but that changed with him. I became anxious, docile, submissive; anything to keep the peace and keep him loving me. Everything that went wrong was my fault, it was always up to me to fix it when things went wrong. Finally breaking out of that relationship, the one where my legs were too fat, my ass too jiggly, my arguments too weak, was hard. But once free my iron spine returned and I would do no harm but take no shit. I had no plans of ever marrying again; obviously I had failed the first time. I dated off and on for 6 years, never really getting too close, keeping it light, having fun in a way I wasn't allowed to in college. Then one night I was introduced to a dirty, tattooed, Hawaiian shirt wearing moped guy who decided I should give him a chance. I fought him every step of the way, rudely, in no uncertain terms telling him I was not interested. He would not give up. He wasn't creepy, but I wasn't having it. Finally, after weeks of pushing him away, I relented and went out with him. I have thanked God every day of my life since then. That gruff, rough, obnoxious guy has turned out to be my salvation, my love, the father of my children, my rock. That exterior was his own armor, his protection from the world that had hurt him too. I knew he was the one I was meant to be with when he drunkenly declared "I lump you" over the phone from New York, embarrassed that he said it all wrong, that he said it first, but fully standing behind it. Twelve years later we have grown and loved and lived and celebrated and procreated and joyfully loved each other more than I thought possible. Lump, true lump, will always prevail.
I am a mother of two, happily married to the man of my dreams. I do hair, help birth babies, bake relentlessly.