About what is happening right now, I don't get it.
I feel like I can not shower enough to get rid of this negative stuff, clinging to my skin, inside and out. Something seems to be lost. There is, for a year now, a dirt creeping up, an emotional dirt, which so far I only knew from history books or stories about far away places. I knew, they existed, but somehow I was naive, I never thought, they would come so close to me during my lifetime, that they would directly enter my heart, my soul, my entire being on a level, that forces me, to confront this shit every day, every minute.
It started with the so-called „refugee-crisis“, which actually were Syrian people, bombed by their own government and Russians, attacked by the IS, trying to somehow make it to a safe place, which they only could on illegal routes, because nobody really wanted to take them in. Not so many, at least. So, all those boats and Caravans of people marching towards Europe were seen as a threat for our European values, which all of a sudden did not include: helping the haunted anymore. It rather included us versus them, closing borders, letting people drown in the Mediterranean in order to protect our homeland security. More and more often you heard racist things uttered by people, you so far thought were regular guys. You also heard anti-democratic stuff uttered more and more by regular people. self righteousness became very strong, also the urge, to express your opinions violently (note to myself: fear is not an opinion, also hate or rage). Helplessness is also not an opinion.
People won elections with statements, I for decades, for my entire life have not even thought, I mean, I thought, we had all learned, that we would never do that again, because, we had Auschwitz.
Now I realize, I was stupid, or naive. You learn from history, that people don't learn from history. I think, that's from Hegel.
I read so much about the 3. Reich, I could write a book about it. I knew so much about the regime in Iran, I could lecture about it. But those were far away. Now, this kind of thinking is closing in on us, me, my friends, my family. It seems plausible, to teach my children the craft of resistance, to maybe decide on learning a neutral language like Portuguese or Icelandic, so that the start in a new country will not be soooo difficult, in case we have to leave. I always had envisioned myself, came the worst case of all worst cases, going to New Mexico. Impossible now, with trump and all that.
All of a sudden, this negativity, this attitude against an open heart, for restrictions, for hate, against love (I read somewhere the thread of a republican from Texas who called democrats „liberal retards“, so liberal is something, to be insulted for. In my entire life, it had been an ideal. Now, it was something, you started protecting and maybe even hiding from the wrong people, because you wanted it safe, inside of yourself so it could still nourish your soul. You didn't want it damaged and /or destroyed by people, who spit on it.
I feel, I can not shower enough, to get rid of that dirt, that I feel clinging to me since last year, when I still thought, people would wake up fast. We all have had access to the same information about what damage racism, sexism, bigotry, lies, violence et cetera do to a society – so how come, that all of a sudden so many people come to the conclusion, they still like it better??? I don't get it? I don't get, how women can vote for a government, that will definitely take many of their rights away again, like, you know, women have been oppressed always. We were finally free, at least here, on this tiny island, and now you fucking idiots fall on your knees in front of a pussy grabber so he can take your rights away from you and stick his tongue in your mouth? I mean, no, sorry, this was supposed to become a positive text. But truly:
Given the choice between the western world, how it has been in all its glorious imperfection over the past decades, and say, Turkey today, or Russia, or lets be daring: why not all live in a country like North Korea? I mean, you can altogether stop thinking yourself in a country like this. You are freed from the necessity to take over any responsibility for your life, because, the minute, you do, somebody will cut of your head or put you into a dark hole for the rest of your life.
I never wanted to understand, I mean, on a deep body level, how Hitler could come into power here. But since last year, I understand more and more, how this happened, unfortunately that this might be about to happen again, and not just in Germany, but in the whole of the western world, and that some deep instinct of me already checks the maps for places, that might remain somewhat safe (Portugal, Iceland?) at least for my daughters.
I never wanted that. I wanted a life, in which not much happens. Peace of mind, maybe. Even.
I am a writer from Berlin, who has lived a while in Richmond/Virginia. I have 2 daughters and a blog http://lobedentag.blogspot.de/ on which I publish my writing in german and english. So, please come by, and visit!