single

i haven't talked (okay...when i say talked i mean written because believe you me i have talked) about this lately, but i was reading this article today, and it got me thinking about what i would say (write) if i were to say (write) something about single.

and then about why i haven't written about single (in a while).

and really, it's because the truth is that i don't love having "single" be one of the things at the top of the list of things that defines me. imma tell you -- i felt some kinda way about signing mortgage papers that constantly referred to me as "an unmarried female". it just ... it kind of smacks you in the face when you put it that way, doesn't it?

i mean. i am. single, that is. "an unmarried female", to put it more awkwardly.

and it's not that i don't seriously enjoy the state itself, but i'm not committed to being single any more than i am committed to finding a man to not be single with.

and so what can i say?

i can tell anecdotes about the many men i've dated (and the reasons i'm not still dating them), i can celebrate my life in the state that it's in and talk (write) about how much i enjoy the upsides of single (there are many), and maybe i will.

it's a little bit harder to talk (write) about how sometimes (not a lot of times, but sometimes) single can be lonely... but, then again, i suspect that sometimes (hopefully not a lot of times, but sometimes) committed relationships can be lonely too.

i won't say lonely has nothing to do with single, but lonely is different than single. lonely happens when i lose connection ... with other people, yes, but with myself as well.

so what i will say (write) about single is that it has given me the opportunity to connect with myself in a way that i may never have had the opportunity to do were i not "an unmarried female". i've learned (through a lot of trial and quite a bit of error) how to do single life well, and i've learned how to (for the most part) not let it be lonely, and i've learned how to cultivate rich and rewarding friendships, and i'm thankful.

 

Richmond, VA