I Remember

I remember Nanny’s big tree in the front yard, inviting us to play and explore. I remember being scolded for going up in that tree in a dress and my “Sunday shoes”. I remember Sandra crying because I left her in that tree.

I remember being a teenager and not fitting in. I remember thinking, “If I don’t fit in then I will rebel”. I remember creating chaos and cacophony so my parents wouldn't know what was really going on inside of me.

I remember the day my mom visited me at college. I remember her words of “terminal illness”. I remember the black hole swallowing me up. I remember grasping for the first toxic relationship I could find so I wouldn't have to feel.

I remember THAT wedding day. I remember it was not joyful and serene. I remember I cried and sobbed the morning after. I remember wanting to cry and sob often in the marriage.

I remember the night in the church parking lot. I remember the fear and anxiety. I remember entering the room. I remember the love and acceptance. I remember the hope.

I remember fining him in the living room drunk and high. I remember complete peace knowing that God had me and would take care of me. I remember the day he left.

I remember our first date. I remember how nervous he was. I remember being at peace, but knowing something big was on the horizon.

I remember my "real" wedding day. I remember the love, joy and peace of being married. I remember the love of all the people that came. I remember the look in his eyes when I walked down the aisle. I remember God being in all of it.

 

Billie has taken a class with Valley.