Ignorance is Bliss

8 years old. I sit at the kitchen table, my parents diagonal of me and my best friend; my sister. My mother crying, my mother stern, my mother rubbing my arm, my mother crossing her arms. My mother is coming out to me. At the mere age of 8 I had no idea what was going on. Foreign words fell out of their mouths like poison when in all actuality their true meaning was happiness. My vocabulary hadn't yet been developed enough to know what they meant. Ignorance is bliss they say but when I was finally aware, finally educated, I found out that the Christian kids that went to school with me were not as holy as they seemed. When a boy in my class asked me if my mother made passes at me and touched me simply because she was gay I slowly pushed her out. My mother slowly became my god mother, a friend of the family, an aunt, a step mother; anything but mommy. Mommy. Mommy dearest. Didn't birth me but raised me, paid for me, and she gave me everything she had and I denied her. Ignorance is bliss. I blissfully broke my mother's heart. I never denied my birth mother. Crack. As I cried while I asked her why I didn't have a father. Crack. When I asked her why she lived with us. Crack. When I introduced her to my friends as "god mother." Ignorance is bliss. At the age of 16, eight years later I see what I've done. And I see the lines on her face and the bitterness in her words and I can't help but wonder if I did this. She had a daughter that smiled 8 years ago and now all we do it fight. Ignorance was bliss. I denied my mother! I denied her simply for loving my mother. I denied her. The parents of the Christians, the teachers, the ones that are supposed to care the most taught my friends to teach me to hurt her. Today I fight, fight for equality and now the people I "learned" from infuriate me. I fight for who my parents are and what I've become. I fight, but I still fight with her. I remember her smiling at me at the age of 8 and her screaming at me at the age of 16. Ignorance is bliss.

 

Soon to be student at Wagner College in Staten Island, New York studying Literature, English, and/or Journalism. Avid explorer of all things food, poetry and art.

Madalyn has taken classes with Valley.