The night ended just as it began, fully aware of her thoughts and stories in her head. Now she sits at her favorite spot in the kitchen, her gaze wandering over the frozen lake. A blanket of snow so thick, it covers the whole surface of the lake, making her believe the lake has become wider and bigger over night. Big trees are casting long gray shadows, providing an interesting and surreal pattern. One could fantasize over those ghostly shades like a private investigator. As the sun moves higher it changes and transforms the obscurities and brings in a new reality.
She is fully present with all there is; with all the pain in her heart and at the same time the happiness and joy. It feels like there is a split right down the middle of her heart and she needs to investigate every day to find out which side she belongs to or which side to follow. She tries to not let her life be directed by her thoughts of fear, pain and suffering, like an orchestra relying on the conductor in front of them, but playing her own notes to create the music, which makes her joyful and calm. Consistently her soul cries out to her lost loved one, moments of agony and torment. It is at those instances when she is reminded, when the pain wants to take over her whole body, crippling and chilling her, that she is loved, that her little boy is still around in spirit providing her with love, solace and comfort. It is at those moments when she finds acceptance and smiles, knowing with deep faith and love that everything has a reason and is just the way it has to be.
So she keeps sitting near that window in the kitchen at her favorite spot with profound awareness, longing for shorter shadows, brighter days and warm sunshine.
Sonja is a yoga teacher not a writer, but still writes sometimes, always encouraged by Valley to just keep the pen moving. She loves to explore her feelings with her pen in her hand, write with Valley and all her Wednesday morning friends!
Sonja takes classes with Valley.