Out of breath from running to an appointment where I arrive late, I am thinking of how I hate Christmas for causing this crazy traffic and having people taking all MY parking spots. But you know what? Usually I love Christmas! I love the tree, the lights, the music, the gifts (not so much the obligatory gift giving, but it has it’s charms). I especially love that I am able to participate in all this!
Brought up in a warm, loving but also strict Jehovah’s Witness family, we never celebrated Christmas and it took me 4 years after leaving the religion to finally put up a tree. The first years I had the curtains constantly drawn so that the Jehovah’s Witnesses who lived across the road would not see it, but what a joy I felt! Every day I would switch on the lights in the tree and my heart would sing, and it still does! Just like when I see the candles on my birthday cake and people sing happy birthday, tears fill my eyes.
No I am not bitter for having missed all this when I was young, I had a generally happy childhood, and even if I felt bitter, I could not change it. No, actually, feeling this childlike joy for trees, cakes, Easter Eggs, Halloween candy, you name it, having my heart sing every time we celebrate, is the gift I get in return for missing it all these years. A gift from the past, and I am really grateful for it!