The Death of a Dream + the Launch of a Book
Last night I threw a book launch I never planned to throw for a book I never planned to write. All my life I dreamed of being a famous author in a big city with a big agent and an even bigger publishing house. But that dream died a brutal, gory death when my third book was rejected by every agent I sent it to. It was a very dead death. A death that broke my heart. That made me question my worth.
The rejection of my memoir forced me to come face to face with everything I teach, re-examine everything I've always wanted to believe was true but never quite actually believed was true. That it's not up to anyone else to break my dream, or to make it, either. That my dream is up to me. Twenty years ago I was devastated to receive a rejection from graduate school. But in the end that freed me up to become a book editor and start my own business. I was humiliated not to be accepted into a writing group. But then I started my own writing group that inspired, nurtured and loved me through. Yes, a version of my dream might die but only to make space for a dream bigger and more beautiful than I ever could have dreamed up all on my own.
Last night, not only did my book launch, a new and incredible press launched, too. The press an incredibly talented team of women created to edit, design and publish my book and others like it. Books by my students. Books by emerging authors. Books that this world might not even yet know it desperately needs. And today my heart couldn't feel more grateful or be more full.