written in class, 2/1
Right now I am pulling myself out of the deep shame of continuously smashing into inanimate objects. This morning I backed into a post, but I seem to like hitting parked cars just as much. Also, other cars like to hit my parked car. I have really bad parked car/post/curb hitting karma.
This morning at least two men idling in pick up trucks both saw and heard me back loudly into the post but when I got out of my car, after nonchalantly circling around the back to check for damage, I tried to walk away pretending nothing had happened at all.
I think this must be a result of my spatial relations dyslexia. I can't tell left from right and I can't read a map. I get lost on the same route I've traveled 1000 times. Another friend says it might be dyscalculia, an actual medical condition, but I just feel stupid and incapable. I had to talk myself back from major self-recrimination once I made it safely inside and locked the back door behind me.
There's only a little yellow paint on the bumper but there are various and sundry scrapes and scratches from other parking disasters. Luckily I don't have the same track record for hitting moving objects-- just the ones that are firmly bolted down.
I have to constantly remind myself that I'm good at other things. I'm tone deaf and have no rhythm and can't clap in time, but I'm good at other things. I can't walk in a straight line, but I'm good at other things. When I walk with another person, I lean into them veering us both off the path as if I am completely disconnected from my body in space but I'm good at other things. My son has a brilliant, if spastic, imitation of how I clap. But I'm good at other things. The singing teacher said "It's actually extremely rare to be tone deaf" until he heard me sing. But I'm good at other things. I won last place in the school African Dance Contest and my husband says I dance like Seinfeld's Elaine, but I am good at other things.
I might have spatial relations dyslexia, dyscalculia and no sense of time, rhythm or my body in space, but I'm good at other things.
(Like loving the hell out of my crazy family and trying to write my way through the crazy world we live in.)