Lucky

IMG_7405.JPG


It is the final days of 2018 and I am in South Nags Head with truly amazing friends. From where I sit I can see swaths of ocean, clouds, sun, sky, and earth. I hear the roar of the surf and the chatter of birds and my son playing ukulele. I’m wearing a sun dress, a hoody, and brand new sheep slippers covered in decorative fuzzy balls. Every second feels like stolen time, an extravagant gift. I can’t afford to take a second of this wild beauty for granted.

I’ve had a wide range of emotions this year. Many people I love are suffering. I used to think grief started when someone died— I didn’t know how intense it could be while they were still living. Despite the ever present precariousness of life, the current administration, and the growing presence of a double chin, the predominant emotion rising to the surface as I reflect on 2018 is gratitude. Luck. Thanks Giving. Knowing I am Ridiculously Fucking Blessed.

My friends are deep, loving, warm, and well above average intelligence. I happened to create one of my favorite people on this earth from my own body and some of my favorite people on this earth created me. My husband and I still blow up over the stupidest things shit but we’ve learned to let it go, too. I love him with my whole heart and I trust him with my life. I no longer have the remotest desire to be someone else, somewhere else, doing something different. My classes heal, teach,and push me. I can show up to work crying and everyone else can be crying too and we can end up writing our hearts out and laughing and somehow deeply, truly changing. I love being 43 and I can’t wait, in 2019, to turn 44. I wouldn’t go backwards for the world. I know I’ll forget, I know I’ll fuck it up, but from where I sit right now, I hope I treat every day coming at me like an unexpected gift.



Valley Haggard1 Comment