Pleasure Island

 Sorry I cut your forehead off, Stan. Nevertheless, here we are on Pleasure Island!

Sorry I cut your forehead off, Stan. Nevertheless, here we are on Pleasure Island!

On the day I turned 42, 18 days ago now, I thought I had a tumor. And not just any tumor but another adrenal tumor, the kind they cut my body in half and sawed off a rib to remove 15 years ago, during the first year of my marriage. I didn't handle this recent news with the grace my stepmother did when she was diagnosed with cancer or my mother-in-law when her too young husband died too soon or the friends I know who are currently battling life-threatening illness with grace, strength and even charm. 

No, I crumbled. Wailed. Heaved. Sobbed. Moaned. Threw myself into it, too. As part of their super scientific testing methods, the endocrinologist had me stay home a nd pee in a jug for 24 hours. I slept, cried, watched Outlander, obsessed over Jamie in his kilt (you're welcome) and cried pretty much nonstop. But throughout the day my beloved work wife, Bird, texted me haikus** about peeing to cheer me up. They are brilliant. I think I'm going to make them into a bathroom book. 

On Monday I got the call from my endocrinologist. No tumor, just high blood pressure. Maybe medication but surely not imminent death. Bird cried with relief when I told her and I wondered if tumor or not, I had just needed that big soul emptying cry myself. It seems my body does that every couple of weeks whether I've received bad news or not. I can't store tears for long, they find ways to leak out. I'm lucky, my mom says. She's jealous of my ability to cry. 

I haven't cried since. We spent a week at a beach courtesy of my mother-in-law, literally called Pleasure Island. I soaked up every luxurious bit of it, relaxing deeply into the sand or ocean or pool chair as if they were built to form around me. I spent hours and hours in the ocean dissolving all the sweat and tears, letting my body do what only it knows how to do.

 

**Haikus About Peeing
by Bird Cox

F*** with me today
And you'll be slurping something
That's not chicken soup

Beasts of earth, behold
the liquid of my loins!
I command rivers!

I'm the femme Biggie
Boys peepee when they see me,
Creep on my teepee

I killed the last man
who used the phrase "to tinkle."
Bathroom's on the left.

 

 Pleasure Island, North Carolina. Thank you Mama Dona for our luxurious vacay!!

Pleasure Island, North Carolina. Thank you Mama Dona for our luxurious vacay!!

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