How to Find Out You're Prediabetic

1. When the clinic calls and tells you, just keep saying what? what? what does that mean?

First trip to the grocery store after receiving the news.

First trip to the grocery store after receiving the news.

2. Feel deep horror and shame that you are developing a disease that you clearly brought on yourself and was probably obvious to everyone on the planet except for you. 

3. Remember the stories of your grandmother's amputations. Toes, then feet, then legs. She died when you were 2 years old. You only ever knew her in a wheelchair.

4. Call your friend and after scrambling for a moment to find the right words, let her tell you that you have been given a gift. Laugh hysterically. 

5. Look at everything in your kitchen as suspect. Suddenly the gingerbread women have daggers and knives. Wonder how in the hell you will survive Christmas.

6. Go to the grocery store and cordon yourself off in the produce department. Wonder what the hell else can be done with cauliflower. Avoid the aisles of pies and cakes and other dear friends you have just found out want you dead. 

7. Order 2 different diabetic cookbooks and then discover they have diametrically opposing views. One suggests micro-nutrients from plant based wheat dairy sugar free blossoms   sprung from the ground and the other touts low carb waffles smothered in sugar free syrup and chunks of ham with the fat trimmed off. Feel crazy. How will you ever reconcile the two?

8. Realize your mother's entire life has been in reaction to her mother's death and your entire life has been in reaction to your mother's reaction. Know that being a rebellious teen eating whatever the hell she damn well pleases doesn't look quite as cute at 41.

9. Tell your mother even after deciding not to and instead of yelling I TOLD YOU SO be surprised as she comforts you. Laugh together when she says, "well, you can say goodbye to life, love and the pursuit of happiness!" Let it bring you closer together instead of wedging you apart.

10. Find a support group where other people say, "Yeah. Me too."

11. Cry to your sponsor on the phone that you have given up alcohol, drugs, overspending and bad relationships. Now SUGAR too? Come on, PLEASE. When she says, "Now you have nowhere to turn but God," let it hit you in the gut. 

12. Feel a deep relief somewhere deep down because there is a part of you that has always known the truth and has been waiting for it to surface and is ready to do whatever it is that it has to do to save your life.