Anniversary Gifts

If we remain married 4 more days, Tuesday will be our 14 year wedding anniversary and 15 years + one day since our first date, the one on which, halfway through dinner,  I knew the man sitting across from me was my husband. I'm not good at math but I think this is about half my lifetime (HAHAHA! Ahem). At the age of 25, when we said "I do" and a bunch of other crazy, hopeful vows, most of which I'd written that morning, I thought I was already old. I thought I could tell you everything I wanted.  And I could- in part. I knew I wanted to learn and grow, I just had no idea we would have to learn and grow so much. 

Marriage: long and continuous and unbroken I have no early context for. Both of my parents found long term and deeply satisfying 2nd and 3rd marriages, but the first marriage, the initial marriage that makes the child, that marriage is supposed to be a ticking time bomb. Right?

My husband jokes that I have so many personalities he doesn't need to have an affair while I fulfilled my  mother's prophecy of taking the world apart and putting it back together under the one one umbrella, the one roof of our marriage. Some days I am gut wrenchingly disappointed in our choice of each other, other days I am stunned that such brilliance and wisdom moved through us at such an early age.

A few years ago I sat bolt upright in bed, the images of the dream gone but the phrase "spiritual husband" branded on my brain. And there is so much more at work between us than I can see.  My sponsor tells me we are not in relationship to become happy, but to become conscious and that has certainly been the story with us. My husband illuminates my the best of me and the worst, pulling it all up and out for me to work with and curse at and heal and I hope, if we make it till Tuesday, I am able to offer the same priceless gift to him.